I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
