Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
