i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
