Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
