So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
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These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
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also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize