I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
