careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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