last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
