Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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