I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
there's paper in my vomit.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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