Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
