I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
