he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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