I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
