Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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