we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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