woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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