Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
