Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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