I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
