just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
