i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
