Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
