Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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