I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
