shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.