Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Randomize
