Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
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She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
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Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Damn victory sex feels great
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor