I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.