Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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