i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
