I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
