So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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