I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
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