i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
this is an emotional support booty call
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
