We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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