his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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