Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
