bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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