My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
