I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Randomize
