this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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