he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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