My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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