Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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