Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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