Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
