Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
