Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Let's get the cat blown out
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
