just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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