i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
