Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
