I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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