Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize