i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
