Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I AM VODKA MAN
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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