we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Randomize
