We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
