? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
