plz talk dirty to me
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
