i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
