i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm sobbing to NWA
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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