MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
