So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
