Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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