The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I was not drunk enough for that final.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
