Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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